selected facebook ads
(BACKSTORY: I wrote these between february and august 2009. as the title suggests, all lines were culled from facebook advertisements. at the time, facebook believed that I was 90 years old, because I had lied to it about my birthday; this is probably the reason why so many of the ads were about impending death.
previously published in the UNC-Asheville lit mag, or so I’m told—I don’t actually go there and have never seen a copy of the issue in question; they just really needed poetry submissions.)
* * * *
I.
Live the life you want and make your dreams come true.
How does this sound
Have you ever visited our website?
Help us stop the flood and save America!
Generate unlimited wealth
The Most Addictive Game
Warning: this game is addictive!
Own Your Home No Mortgage
58% of Americans get this wrong. Can you get it right?
You won’t go broke again.
Even red ring of dead can be fixed.
We can make that happen!
Elderly Living Alone?
It has been over 50 years
What is missing?
Think you know? Are you sure?
The results will shock you!
A bundle of marvelous things, including good health and the hope for better communication.
II.
Time Is Running Out
1400 years of dark history of terrorism, torture, rape, and killing that can happen to you
How Would You Look?
This is why we didn’t hang out last night
What makes you Happy? Toys and your babies smile?
Did you see this on Opra?
Have You Lived Before?
How do you respond to experiences of rejection?
Ask Questions. Get Answers.
Know Everything
Live Near Everything
Become a Fan of Jesus
Learn to stop hurting the ones you love.
Are you looking for someone?
Have You Lived Before?
Time Is Running Out
Are you having trouble putting your socks on ?
This too shall pass!
III.
Dorje Chang Buddha has returned to this earth and is now living in America!
Start your search now.
This guy or a doctor?
Free shipping both ways!
I am an Author and Ghostwriter
60 Second Assassin
Health Problems?
We are a non-profit organization with a mission to rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die.
Want to live comfortably AND stay in your home?
It’s free for one user.
Horrifying stuff as others try to save him
Please don’t let them do it.
Is There An Urn At Home?
Grow a Farm With Friends
